On the radio, WOSU’s Boyce Lancaster advertises his morning show with how we think “Mozart makes us smarter. Mozart makes our babies smarter…” but that the real, best reason to listen to classical music is because we enjoy it. So I found these the other day and am happy to say that thanks to some of my musician friends, I get a lot more of these than I would have a year ago.
These just might be “insider” jokes, but that’s OK. No real idea if Mozart makes people smarter (I’m sure he does, though) or if John Cage can really instill peace and tranquility in your child, but here are some theories. Enjoy!
The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch.
The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.
The Shostakovich Effect: Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways.
The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.
The Glass Effect: Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over….
Want more? Here’s where I got them!