Last time I posted a handful of jokes, I caught a little flak from my trombone playing friends from the Marching Hundred. So in fairness, I’m opening this set with some jokes about my own instrument, the clarinet.
Sigh. Um, by the way, I’m the short clarinet player in the back row in this picture. Ahh…back in the days when we all played with those awful white, Vito clarinets that were supposed to provide contrast to our uniforms! They did – for anyone within ten yards of us, but beyond that…it was pretty lost. The capes were cool though!
1. What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
– – When you toss a clarinet into a dumpster and don’t hit the sides.
2. What do clarinet players use as birth control?
– – Their personalities.
3. How do you get 2 piccolos to play in unison?
– – Shoot one.
4. What’s a minor second?
– – Two sax players reading off of the same chart.
4A. What’s a minor second?
– – Two oboes playing in tune.
5. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a mouse?
– – You can’t hear a mouse squeak over an entire band!
6. What’s the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
– – You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
7. What do you call 1,000 trumpet players at the bottom of the ocean?
– – A start.
8. What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
– – A viola burns longer.
9. How do you get a bassist off your porch?
– – Pay him for the pizza.
10. What’s the difference between a trampoline and a cello?
– – You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
11. How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
– – Put a chart in front of him.
12. What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
– – His amp.
13. How many guitar players does it take to play a Stevie Ray Vaughn solo?
– – All of them, apparently.
14. What’s the difference between an onion and an oboe?
– – Nobody cries when you cut up an oboe.
15. What’s the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
– – You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
OK folks – feel free to leave your favorite jokes in the comments below! Take care! – Heather